【homework】A adventure in sea

[小智~^Q^ 10]

Last summer, I was having a luxurious trip on a ship to America, after having an excellent dinner and a crazy party in the ballroom, I took a walk to the deck and enjoyed the appealing night view and the blowing wind outside.

But something seemed to be wrong, a light was flashing at a distance of five miles to me, and I could feel that the light was approaching to me gradually, maybe it is a boat.

Out of curiosity, I hid myself into a tub that placed at a nook of the ship.

Five minutes passed, I felt the ship shacked slightly and I heard a trifling crash, I thought that the boat collided with the ship, so I lengthened my neck stealthily so that I could observe what would happen then outside.

Many hands caught the edge of the ship, then a group of people climbed into the ship with their head wrapped with black cloth, they seemed to be very nervous because they stole into the restaurant that was empty cautiously without a sound.

I ran to the captain’s room and told the captain that some people had invaded our ship.

The captain called some guards and took out his gun and started to search for the secret people.

We heard some whisper came from the restaurant, we guessed that maybe they were just some traveler who had lost their way.

But after entering the restaurant and turned all the lights on, what we saw was five people collecting water from the faucet in the kitchen with ten pails.

They said that their boat couldn’t supply mild water for them to drink. In fact, haven’t dad drunk water for a week until they find us, and because of thirsty, they couldn’t help stealing water from us. After their serious apology, our captain was willing to house them until we arrived America, and we all realized the importance of water.

[MikiRei 10]

Wow - that's some serious, exciting ordeal. Though why couldn't these people signalled SOS???? I'm sure people would have stopped by and helped them out. I mean, if they could invade the ship to steal water, they well could of sent a few representatives and asked for water. Probably weren't thinking properly due to thirst though I'm still suspicious - is it even POSSIBLE to survive past THREE days without water? One week without water and yet they still had the STRENGTH to break into a ship? I'm not so sure I'd buy that story. They may have exaggerated but anyways, cool recount :P (sorry - i'm a little cynical sometimes ^.^||| )

Just to do some corrections (well, technically, this was well written asides for a few expression problem and grammatical errors. Good work!):

"An Adventure At Sea"

Last summer, during my luxurious trip on a ship to America, I took a walk on the deck and enjoyed the appealing night view and the blowing wind after having an excellent dinner and a crazy ballroom party.

However, something seemed to be wrong as a light was flashing at a distance of five miles from me. I could feel that the light was approaching towards me gradually and thought that it may be a boat.

Out of curiosity, I hid myself into a tub that was placed at a nook of the ship.

After five minutes, I felt the ship shacked slightly and I heard a trifling crash. I thought that the boat had collided with the ship, so I stretched my neck stealthily so that I could observe the deck.

Many hands appeared and grabbed onto the edge of the ship. Then a group of people with their heads wrapped round with black cloth climbed onto the ship. They seemed to be very nervous as they stole cautiously without a sound into the deserted restaurant.

I ran to the captain's room and told the captain that some people had invaded our ship.

The captain took his gun and gathered some guards to search for the said invaders.

As we heard the whispers coming from the restaurant, we guessed that these invaders were probably travellers lost at sea.

However, when we turned the lights on upon entering the restaurant, we discovered five people collecting water from the faucet in the kitchen with ten pails.

They explained to us that their boat couldn't supply mild water for them to drink. In fact, they haven't drunk water for a week until now and due to thirst, they couldn't help stealing water from us.

After their serious apology, our captain was willing to accomodate them until we arrived in America.

After this ordeal, we realised the importance of water.

Hmmmm - I only did minor corrections. Probably could be done better. I'll leave the experts to come have their say :p

Note: There maybe variations in spellings in my correction. I'm using Australian spelling so it's bound to be slightly different to American spelling. :p

[abtvctkto61 10]

How is this self-introduce = =?

[berry 10]

that's supposed to be a diary or reflection =O

yett it doesnt matter dos it ?

[Krislih 10]

he used that story as his introduction?

[berry 10]

lol zords

[小智~^Q^ 10]

sorry, my english is really poor. But can anyone give me an advice to make my article better? This is my English homework.

And this is not my introduction~sorry.