詢問歌詞用法的正確度Orz

[某子 10]

不好意思，最近在做新曲，但是不確定自己填的歌詞是否和自己想的意思有落差，或者是不是有很違和的句子，不曉得可不可以指導一下Orz，感恩

I Believe that we can make through this night

我相信我們可以熬過這個夜晚

Keep your faith

that we can make through this night

保持你的信念，我們能熬過這個夜晚

Believe me, our home is not far away

相信我，我們的家園並不遙遠

No more tears , hate ,and endless long path

不再有眼淚、憎恨和漫漫長路

Just this night , victory belongs to us

就這一晚，勝利將屬於我們

This night , then we will be home

這一晚，我們將會歸鄉

Without bread , without love

沒有麵包與愛

Every day , Every night

每日每夜

Hold on your sword and shield

持住你的劍和盾

Hope it will come to end

祈禱這一切即將過去

Battle for nothing but last breath before we die

只為了自己的最後一口氣而戰鬥

Trust yourself , do your best

相信你自己，做到最好

And we will win this fight

我們將會贏得這場戰鬥

Waiting until sunlight spread from the horizon

等待直到陽光從地平線擴散

through the dark , through the night

穿越黑暗與黑夜

No more fear , never hide

不再恐懼與躲藏

I can hear bell ring from church through the nightmare land

我能聽見從教堂傳來的鐘聲劃破夢魘的大地

Through this night , just this night

穿過黑夜，就這一夜

Then we will come home soon

我們即將歸鄉

此內容已被編輯, August 23, 2011 ,由 某子

[MikiRei 10]

I Believe that we can make through this night

我相信我們可以熬過這個夜晚

I believe we can make it through tonight

Keep your faith

that we can make through this night

保持你的信念，我們能熬過這個夜晚

Have faith

We can make it through tonight

No more tears , hate ,and endless long path

不再有眼淚、憎恨和漫漫長路

No more tears or hate and endless path

or

No more tears or hate and endlessly long path

or

No more tears, hate and endless path/endlessly long path

(I personally prefer endless path)

This night , then we will be home

這一晚，我們將會歸鄉

We will be home tonight?

Hold on your sword and shield

持住你的劍和盾

Hold on to your sword and shield

Hope it will come to end

祈禱這一切即將過去

Hope all of this will come to an end

Battle for nothing but last breath before we die

只為了自己的最後一口氣而戰鬥

Fight to our very last breath

I can hear bell ring from church through the nightmare land

我能聽見從教堂傳來的鐘聲劃破夢魘的大地

I can hear the church bell ring through this nightmarish land

Then we will come home soon

我們即將歸鄉

We will be home soon

P.S. Purely commenting from a GRAMMATICAL standpoint (or whatever makes more sense). I didn't bother doing anything from a lyrical standpoint.

[某子 10]

Thanks a lot!!! Orz

此內容已被編輯, August 24, 2011 ,由 某子

[某子 10]

[YT]

[/YT]

配上音樂，感覺要權衡文法正確度和音樂似乎還要一段時間Orz

不知道這樣行不行？