【英美語文】R&F 日記

[math2008 10]

之前寫的一篇文章

請大家幫我看看這個作文段落

哪裡有文法錯誤?

或者哪些句子同樣的意思有其他更好的寫法..

Today, I visit my alma mater, for it’s seventeenth anniversary ceremony. As soon as I went into the school, a competition of singing was going on. I wandered the whole school until noon, then go outside for lunch. Afternoon, I went back to watching a performance performed by all sophomore students. It’s a good day that reminded me of my many precious memories.

先問一下

1最後一句和

The events happened today reminded me of my many precious memories.

哪種比較好呢?

2可否再最後一句加上 for days long ago.

(還是用in 呀?)

謝謝~

[Catta 10]

首先，要謝謝你使用R&F [鞠躬]

發文須知出現至今一個半月終於有人用了Orz

如果是我的話我會這樣寫：

Today, I visited my alma mater for the seventeenth anniversary. When I arrived the campus, the singing contest had already began. I wandered at school until noon. Then I went outside for lunch. In the afternoon, I went back to watch a production performed by all the sophomore students. It’s a good day that it reminds me of my precious memories.

1.在這裡我認為用seventeenth anniversary就夠了，ceremony有些累贅。

2. "I went into the school..." native speaker不會這樣用哦，應該要用I went to school 或 I arrive the school / the campus

3.as soon as 通常作連接詞用, 表示一...就..., 剛...就..., 引導時間副詞子句。

但我認為在這裡原句是「當我到達學校的時候，唱歌比賽已經開始了。」用when應該就足夠了。

4. "...... a competition of singing was going on." 我改寫成 "..... the singing contest had already began." 唱歌比賽已經開始了。如果你要寫唱歌比賽正在進行中的話，可以用"...... it was at the middle of the singing contest."

5. a competition of singing 文法上沒有錯，不過用 singing competition 或 singing contest比較簡潔

6. "I wandered the whole school until noon, then go outside for lunch." 這兩句是兩件事情「在學校游蕩」和「出去吃午餐」，我認為分別用一個句子寫會比較好，所以我改寫時將兩句分開了。

7. "Afternoon, I went back to watching a performance performed by all sophomore students." 時間點應該要用In the afternoon，然後在寫作的時候我們應該要盡量避免相同的字重複出現，所以我把performance改為production。另外to後面必須加原型動詞，因此應該用to watch

8. 最後一句可以不用many。

9. "The events happened today reminded me of my many precious memories." the events指的是那天發生很多事情嗎?如果是想寫今天這件事情(這個活動)讓我想到很多過去珍貴的回憶，我會寫 The visit today makes me think of my precious memories in the old days.

10. 最後，寫作的時候要注意時態是否一致。通常寫日記的時候我們會用過去式，只有在現在針對這件事情的感想或是對未來的展望才會用現在式或未來式。

不知道這樣的回答夠不夠完整@@以上是我的意見，請多多指教。(H)

[風雨者 10]

boardmaster(版主):

When I arrived the campus, Should we add a conjunction here？In my opinion, as through we need to choose a conjunction like and / but /or to combination two sentences, otherwise , selected a past participle/present participle as a adverbial modifier(狀語) here to lead the subordinate clau(從句 ) the singing contest had already began.

Suming up should we have to use a conjunction or a participle to combination two sentences other than directly use a comma to combination two sentences ?

will i am right or just viewd as narrow and shallow .

[math2008 10]

首先，要謝謝你使用R&F [鞠躬]

發文須知出現至今一個半月終於有人用了Orz

如果是我的話我會這樣寫：

Today, I visited my alma mater for the seventeenth anniversary. When I arrived the campus, the singing contest had already began. I wandered at school until noon. Then I went outside for lunch. In the afternoon, I went back to watch a production performed by all the sophomore students. It’s a good day that it reminds me of my precious memories.

......

感謝您詳細的回答~

讓我進步不少~

看完你修改後的文章才發現原來我那篇錯誤百出XD

再請教:

中間那句如果增為以下是否恰當(有誤)?

I wandered at school until noon. Then I went outside for lunch.

=> I wandered at the school where influenced my life, recollecting every event during my high school time. Until noon, I went outside for lunch.

[Catta 10]

boardmaster(版主):

Suming up should we have to use a conjunction or a participle to combination two sentences other than directly use a comma to combination two sentences ?

will i am right or just viewd as narrow and shallow .

連接詞或橋樑詞在某些狀況下是必須的，但在這個狀況下

When I arrived the campus, the singing contest had already began.

在這裡When I arrived the campusc的後面是不需要加and/but/or的，因為When I arrived the campus是時間副詞子句，形容的是「當他到達學校的時候」的情形。

那麼，我們什麼時候後需要連接詞呢？

例如說：

兩個不完全相關的句子需要連結在一起成為一個句子的時候，或者是轉折語氣。

I finished my final today, and I can finally rest for a while.

I would like to help you, but I'm very busy recently.

You should finish your assignment, or you might flunk it.

哪裡有講錯的話麻煩請指正(H)

--

感謝您詳細的回答~

讓我進步不少~

看完你修改後的文章才發現原來我那篇錯誤百出XD

再請教:

中間那句如果增為以下是否恰當(有誤)?

I wandered at school until noon. Then I went outside for lunch.

=> I wandered at the school where influenced my life, recollecting every event during my high school time. Until noon, I went outside for lunch.

at school不用加the，道理跟你只會說at home不會說at the home是一樣的。

我會寫：I wandered at school which influenced my life a lot and made me recollect the events in my high school life.

where 是 介係詞+which。用來指的是地點沒錯，但是在這裡因為你後文接著寫到「影響我的生命並且使我回憶起我的高中生活」，用which來寫就可以了。

這樣好像還是很不清楚。那麼把句子拆開來說好了。

先分解開來看：

I wandered at school.

The school (在這裡才會用the school) influenced my life a lot and made me recollect the events in my high school life.

如果用where的話，就會變成：

I wandered at school.

The school influenced my life a lot and made me recollect the events in my high school life in. <-------句末這個in是不是很多餘？這個in是指什麼？不知道啊Orz

嗯，大概是這樣啊喵(H)

[math2008 10]

at school不用加the，道理跟你只會說at home不會說at the home是一樣的。

我會寫：I wandered at school which influenced my life a lot and made me recollect the events in my high school life.

where 是 介係詞+which。用來指的是地點沒錯，但是在這裡因為你後文接著寫到「影響我的生命並且使我回憶起我的高中生活」，用which來寫就可以了。

這樣好像還是很不清楚。那麼把句子拆開來說好了。

先分解開來看：

I wandered at school.

The school (在這裡才會用the school) influenced my life a lot and made me recollect the events in my high school life.

如果用where的話，就會變成：

I wandered at school.

The school influenced my life a lot and made me recollect the events in my high school life in. <-------句末這個in是不是很多餘？這個in是指什麼？不知道啊Orz

嗯，大概是這樣啊喵(H)

1

我懂你說的了...謝謝~:E

不過我猜,我寫的跟你看到的不太一樣

原本是要說:"我漫步在這間影響我一生的學校,並回憶起高中生活"

wander和recollect是對等的

你是否以為我是要說:"我漫步在這間影響我一生並使我回憶起高中生活的學校" ?

XD

2

上面的那個說明讓我聯想到之前一直存在的一個疑問

如下面這句

In those shops, you'll likely see lots of the glass that Venice is famous for.

有時後這種句型會在末尾冒出一個介係詞,即本句中的for

有什麼原因嗎?

"這是一個居住的地方"

要說

This is a place to live. 還是This is a place to live in. 呢?

3

前面一篇中你有提到說as soon as最好用when取代

請問這兩個字可以通用嗎?

我今天在空英看到一個句子...

You'll notice something missing as soon as you arrive in Venice - traffic noise.

原來文中

既然已把went to改成arrive了

我想說,用as soon as假如沒錯的話,看起來比較厲害...???

[Catta 10]

噢噢噢噢，我誤解了。

那麼就是： I wandered at school which influenced my life a lot and I recollected the events in my high school life.

In those shops, you'll likely see lots of glasses that Venice is famous for.

因為famous for就是一個慣用的片語，指的是以什麼東西聞名。

補充。famous as指的是以什麼職業聞名。如 J.K. Rolling is famous as a writer. (羅琳有拼錯嗎=w=?)

這是一個居住的地方=This is a place to live.

This is a house to live in.

我們會住在房子裡，但不會住在地方裡。

as soon as 跟 when 有時候可以通用。

as soon as 是連接詞。when 可以是副詞或連接詞或代名詞或名詞。

當該句子需要的是連接詞的時候應該是都可以替代的。

兩者的不同我想是在於強調的點吧 [抓頭]

as soon as 是一....就....，我認為它比較強調的是兩個事件緊湊的進行狀態，

或者應該說是兩件幾乎同時完成的事情。

when比較像是形容一個相較之下比較長時間的狀態，通常會用當...正在...。

用例句來說：

As soon as I opened the door, the cat finished her snack.

When I opened the door, the cat was eating her snack.

好像越講越難懂 囧?

[math2008 10]

噢噢噢噢，我誤解了。

那麼就是： I wandered at school which influenced my life a lot and I recollected the events in my high school life.

In those shops, you'll likely see lots of glasses that Venice is famous for.

因為famous for就是一個慣用的片語，指的是以什麼東西聞名。

補充。famous as指的是以什麼職業聞名。如 J.K. Rolling is famous as a writer. (羅琳有拼錯嗎=w=?) 我也不知道XD人名我只用過John Peter Amy Alice之類等等

這是一個居住的地方=This is a place to live.

This is a house to live in.

我們會住在房子裡，但不會住在地方裡。

as soon as 跟 when 有時候可以通用。

as soon as 是連接詞。when 可以是副詞或連接詞或代名詞或名詞。

當該句子需要的是連接詞的時候應該是都可以替代的。

兩者的不同我想是在於強調的點吧 [抓頭]

as soon as 是一....就....，我認為它比較強調的是兩個事件緊湊的進行狀態，

或者應該說是兩件幾乎同時完成的事情。

when比較像是形容一個相較之下比較長時間的狀態，通常會用當...正在...。

用例句來說：

As soon as I opened the door, the cat finished her snack.

When I opened the door, the cat was eating her snack.

好像越講越難懂 囧?

嗯,我懂呀~

整篇文章也改的差不多了

謝謝~ (H)