道不盡的霧靄

[帶槍矛的老人 10]

吞吞吐吐

璺不出 頭頭是道的理

逡巡著 我搖盪

憑弔人為的青藏

昏天 我已醉在

名為妮可

引領我 到那縵妙的時空

或許我錯過了

沉溺於規距的

仙遊之樂

當 酒不再醇時

我踏出龍宮

那鉗 箝住我的夢

為時已晚

又份愛 帶來一份晚

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文章是咬著痛苦濺出的墨所構成的，似乎我只擁有片段。

人生比賽，裁判不在，精神不朽征戰。

去你的腳步，要在未來好好站住，即使是小碎步，他媽的你也踏出。

那雋永的傷 割的不夠深?那深遂的疤 咬得不夠緊?

窮人一孤獨，煢人旖孤獨，命孕悟思詁，命運勿思詁。

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/giddens0001

[梅惱子 10]

對我來說看的還真辛苦

好像有點困難連貫

也許只是因為我太弱

：)

問安

[陳若詰 10]

說真的怪辭很多，＜璺不出＞＜昏天＞＜那鉗＞，我真的抓不到明確要表達的東西阿！

還是只能建議不要為詩而詩，無法打動人阿！

若詰問好

[帶槍矛的老人 10]

好像有點困難連貫

這要說的趣味點

就是因為寫詩的同時

心甚多飄渺

故讀起來纔不順

但認真說

畢竟 寫時的意境是要表達有點虛幻

所以會把其不斷旋轉

可能只有自己看的懂吧

關於如此

我會更加琢磨的

問好

[帶槍矛的老人 10]

說真的怪辭很多，

＜璺不出＞＜昏天＞＜那鉗＞，

我真的抓不到明確要表達的東西阿！

還是只能建議不要為詩而詩，無法打動人阿！

若詰問好

關於怪辭

＜璺不出＞是基於打破沙鍋問到底的璺

＜昏天＞乃昏天暗地的提出

＜那鉗＞則是海底龍宮裡螃蟹的鉗

解釋完畢 不訪試著在套入讀讀看

不要為詩而詩

這點我會再多琢磨的

本拙作有人來給我意見

真是太好了

問好

[姓韓者 11]

lol...... poetry sometimes is the expression of ideology in a society within a certain period of time, but it also refers to the history and exprerience of human beings in the past.

words like 璺不出 昏天 那鉗 don't make the poem appealing to the reader as they are rarely seen in our present-day lives. Even though I substitute those words into the original writting, I still can't get what you want to express.

畢竟 寫時的意境是要表達有點虛幻

所以會把其不斷旋轉

可能只有自己看的懂吧

so what's the point of writting and posting it on the forum to SHARE with us?

when a poem is written down and being published, it belongs to the reader, not the author. In this case, an author must "serve" the reader, instead of "serving" him/herself.

[赤鈴 10]

so what's the point of writting and posting it on the forum to SHARE with us?

when a poem is written down and being published, it belongs to the reader, not the author. In this case, an author must "serve" the reader, instead of "serving" him/herself.

Great.