魔爾 10 發表於 July 16, 2007 檢舉 Share 發表於 July 16, 2007 月光灑落門窗風中頌著過往美好咖啡香在繞喚醒沉睡道我不知所措的勾勒曾經擁有懷抱落日的風景依舊在日記裡大聲的問好莫名的狂笑驕傲了一秒把書本也闔上休止符也都已經知道獨自在影嵐中對天空做暗號多苦多遠聞不到自大的心靈在嗤笑圓舞曲也辦不到夜的精靈都厭倦留下記號颯颯竹林輪迴道冷冽長笛在狼嗥走音鋼琴激起羽毛月光早已當空照月光灑落門窗有了你夜不再喧鬧 鏈接文章 分享到其他網站
魔爾 10 發表於 July 16, 2007 作者 檢舉 Share 發表於 July 16, 2007 我決定這是我在現代詩詞館發的最後一篇，因為我的風格好像不受大家的青睞。就這樣。 鏈接文章 分享到其他網站
vega 10 發表於 July 16, 2007 檢舉 Share 發表於 July 16, 2007 這位同學，我翻了一下你過去的作品和大家的回覆。大家沒有不理你，沒有誰特別針對你這個人開刀，也沒有虧待你。我想，如果你掛了求砍又沒有被砍的準備，希望得到的只有稱讚或你所謂的「青睞」。貼在自己的網誌上可能比較快。就這樣。 鏈接文章 分享到其他網站
苗林 10 發表於 July 16, 2007 檢舉 Share 發表於 July 16, 2007 笑死人，經不得砍，就說大家不歡迎你。那我那些是發心酸的喔？我發了甚至還沒有人回咧。有人願意幫你砍就該偷笑並檢視自身問題之所在這種想法你到哪都不會開心的 鏈接文章 分享到其他網站
姓韓者 11 發表於 July 17, 2007 檢舉 Share 發表於 July 17, 2007 I chop I chop I chop chop chopsorry, can't type chinese on computers at school月光灑落門窗風中頌著過往美好does that even follow the chinese grammar?I don't think it makes sence咖啡香在繞喚醒沉睡道我不知所措的if it's an adverb, please use 地勾勒曾經擁有懷抱落日的風景依舊在日記裡大聲的問好same mistake here as above莫名的狂笑驕傲了一秒把書本也闔上休止符也都已經知道獨自在影嵐中對天空做暗號not neccessary to have rhymes in the poemA structure should be the way to help the author express her/himself, but not the obstacle that blocks your thought. I can't find the main idea(s) that you want to express in this poem. What I feel is, your images are scattered through our your poem in pieces, or say, images are disintegrated, they are not connected and linked. I, as a reader, hardly combine these pieces together to create a coherent clue of what you want to say to me.You don't have to fully express your ideas to the responder. Poetry sometimes involves the element of "hint". You should try to make the responder think about what you say in the poem, or try to arouse emotional movement of the responder in order to make your poem seems more appealing to them. Thus they can be attracted or interested by the poem.Moreover, I agree with a point of view: "You won't be able to create a nice verse unless you're deeply influenced or impacted by something that happens to you, or to the others but seen by you."Apology for English typing again. 鏈接文章 分享到其他網站
forgetloving 11 發表於 July 17, 2007 檢舉 Share 發表於 July 17, 2007 高級進口刀？不過好不習慣XD改天來這兒po拙作好了‧__‧+ 鏈接文章 分享到其他網站
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